UNCHARTED

Uncharted tells the story of Nathan Drake (Tom Holland), a history-obsessed bartender whose older brother Sam ran away years ago promising that he’ll return. One night, Nathan is approached by Victor “Sully” Sullivan (Mark Wahlberg), a treasure hunter and associate of Sam’s who enlists Nathan’s help in the search for Magellan’s treasure – Nathan agrees, on the condition that Sully help find his brother. But they will have to face against formidable foes such as billionaire Santiago Moncada (Antonia Banderas), his hired help Braddock (Tati Gabrielle), and an ostensible associate of Sully’s named Chloe (Sophia Ali) with concealed motivations of their own…

 

And if you read that premise thinking “this sounds like one of the most generic action-adventure Indian Jones ripoffs ever,” then you can pretty much skip Uncharted because that’s exactly what it is. Even as someone whose only familiarity with the games is watching YouTube playthroughs of all the entries, I can honestly say I was let down.

 

It’s a shame, too, because all the actors – particularly Wahlberg and Holland – look like they’re trying their hardest, but the script doesn’t do them any favors as it just rushes through the motions of every other action-adventure film we’ve seen from Indiana Jones to the National Treasure movies, without offering any kind of different twist – hidden clues, booby traps, twist villains, concealed motivations, betrayals, the gang’s all here. Sometimes, there was a surprise – such as a subversion of expectations around the beginning of Act III I didn’t see coming that was incredibly funny and demonstrated Nathan Drake’s intelligence – but such moments are too few and far between.

 

The only part I can say really stands out is the heavily-advertised climax on two helicopter-carried pirate ships, but even that wasn’t as exciting as I’d thought because the editing is so choppy and the pacing is so sluggish that nothing that happened really registered with me. Plus, it doesn’t help that the green screen and compositing in this film is not very good, serving as another lesson that Hollywood needs to stop putting VFX companies under time crunches.

 

And…that’s all I really have to say about Uncharted. Sorry I don’t have anything more substantial to offer, but honestly, by the time the end credits rolled, I had pretty much forgotten everything that happened in the movie. As a “nothing” movie, it’s not actively terrible, but if you really wanna get your Tom Holland fix, I’d just recommend seeing Spider-Man: No Way Home again.